I like control.
In fact, I battle with my desire for it on a day-to-day basis. On the surface I try to convince myself that I've given over the reins to my heavenly Father but subconsciously I still feel that need to be in the driver's seat.
But the truth is I don't have control over anything at all. And nothing I say, do, achieve, win, strive for, or manipulate will change that.
I am called to TRUST.
Yes, yes, I'm sure you know that! So do I...but yet I really, truly still struggle with wanting to
have just a little hand in discerning the outcome of every moment, every circumstance, every
paper that I hand in for thirty percent of my grade. ha.
Maybe this characteristic is why I am so eternally grateful for the times when God puts me in such
a helpless position, a position of forced humility. And I realize just how hopeless I am on my own.
It's just one way that God can reveal this truth to us, but I think Missions trips can teach tough lessons like that. You know, lessons about the difference between faith and trust. For a while, I don't think I really understood that these were different concepts, but lately I'm learning that they are two very different words. In Belize, when I realized that I wouldn't always be there to help and care for the children we loved on and the ones who asked Jesus to be their Savior, I think faith was knowing God was present and that he sent me to give these kids hope, while trust was what I was lacking. Trust that God cared for these children so much more than I did (which is a ton). Trust that He was in control of their futures. Trust that they were in His care, in His fortress.
I'm simply called to obedience aren't I? I am just His tool, His vessel. I am not my own, I was bought at a price. So why do I worry about tomorrow? Consider the lilies of the field...
Flying to Belize, I could see the vast waters of the Atlantic from my window seat. They shimmered in a magically beautiful way, reflecting the sun so brightly that it was hard to look down. For hundreds and hundreds of miles this unfathomably big body of water met with the jagged lines of the shore. Somewhere along the way, when I wasn't watching The Office on the airplane's TV (just in case I was getting too holy on you), I read this verse in Jeremiah:
Do you not fear Me?’ declares the LORD.
‘Do you not tremble in My presence?
For I have placed the sand as a boundary for the sea,
An eternal decree, so it cannot cross over it.
Though the waves toss, yet they cannot prevail;
Though they roar, yet they cannot cross over it.
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Yup, I'm pretty sure I can trust that God to be with and care for those spiritually (sometimes physically!)starving kids; HIS children, even when I am thousands of miles away. Yeah, I can trust this God with all my life actually. Every situation. Every day.
So basically this trust issue is hitting home right now. To me, my life seems pretty busy, and I am constantly tempted to give into the stress that comes from trying to say "oh hey God, not that you aren't doing a great job so far, but if you could just let me take the wheel for juuust a little bit that would be excellent, okay?"
Current example: I mean, really, I do have a lot to get done if I want to go to Ghana this summer. I have to finish school, I have to raise the money, I have to get the yellow fever vaccination which Liz said is really painful. And wait, when I do even get to Ghana, will I actually do anything important there? Will it just be another same-old kinda missions trip? Will I even be a blessing to the missionaries? God, am I even qualified to go?
"It is one thing to have faith in God, to know that God exists, and that He is all-powerful and that there is nothing that He cannot do or accomplish – but it is quite another thing to be able to completely trust God with your life and to completely trust Him to properly handle it for you...If you can learn how to stay in this full surrender with the Lord on a regular and non-wavering basis throughout the course of your life, and have complete and total trust in Him – then you will enter into what the Bible calls a true peace that will pass all human understanding." (Michael Bradley, bible-knowledge.com)
I'm simply called to obedience. I am just His tool, His vessel. I am not my own, I was bought at a price. So I wont worry about tomorrow. Consider the birds of the air...
No more "I've got this" mentality porque,
"Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord. For he shall be like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see when good comes, but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land which is not inhabited.
{BUT!}
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but her leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:5)
Yup, I'm determined to define my life by a trust in someone with a little more influence than myself.
Specifically with:
-Ghana...this summer...money... {no more "will we accomplish anything?" sort of doubts}
-Future...something that I think about and try to manipulate a whole awful lot {it's all yours, God}
-Other people...people that I love, people at school, people I witness to, my family, {Father, you are the only heart-changer}
I want to be used to further God's eternal kingdom...and I'm pretty sure letting go of my desire for control will make me better equipped to do so.
What about you?
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"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His holy name." Psalm 33:20-21
For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His holy name." Psalm 33:20-21
